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FINALLY... today is the day that I am officially a certified nurses assistant. The process took much longer than it originally should have, but the 14 of us finally made it. The crazy part is... is that as good as it feels to finally be here... part of me still wants to be somewhere else. This isn't what I see myself doing forever.. not even for a big chunk of my life, but its a stepping stone. Next..... nursing school. It scares me because its going to be a while before I get my general classes done before I can even start nursing school. I don't want to be in school for years, but I know that in the long run its such a small portion of my life and maybe one day I will finally be doing what I really desire to be doing. And that's bringing health care to places and to people who can't get it on their own. I can't do that unless I suck it up, tough it out, and work hard. I just never knew it would be so stressful. I find myself constantly praying for peace and for strength and the process has barely even started yet! If I'm struggling this much now I will definitely need to keep asking for these things if I'm going to make this happen. My anxiety has been a huge issue. I thought that I had it under control but it's come out so much in the past few months.

And not only is the job itself a big cause of stress, but basically every other aspect of my life right now is too. I've found myself in a job where I take care of people who can't care for themselves, and then I come home and I try and take care of room mates, and friends and everyone else who needs it. God has brought me to situations where I just have to throw up my hands to him and ask him to lift the burden from my heart. I can't fix the brokenness in the people around me but I can be a source of God's love and peace... but I HAVE to remember to take care of myself, and let others take care of me too. My whole life I have tried to do everything myself with no help from anybody, and I still find myself doing it. Even with my relationship with God. I say over and over "I'm fine... I can handle it" and then when it becomes to heavy I bring it to Him. I believe that he is really trying to show me how to include him always and not just when I can't handle it on my own. I know he is preparing me for things I will encounter down the road, and for that I am grateful. But it still doesn't make it any easier. I still find myself trying to be strong and trying not to burden others with my stresses, but I have to remember that God gave us each other for many reasons, and comfort and encouragement are just a few of those.

He is truly amazing.