A whole year has gone by since I last wrote anything. I guess I sometimes feel like my thoughts are too private to share with the world... then I realize there are probably only about 4 people that actually read this =)
However, there are times where I feel like I just need to get my thoughts out there- even if the only person it brings any relief to is myself. I read my last post and I am realizing that I need to strive to feel that changed again. It's easy to settle into a routine and forget about what's really important, but I have been reminded lately of where my importance should lie. God is stretching me- and it can be pretty painful at times- but I just have to thank him for changing my heart for the better. It's so easy for me to feel sorry for myself or to wish things were different but I have been blessed with a major piece of wisdom recently: It truly doesn't matter where I live, what I do, or who I am doing it with- as long as I am pursuing truth and righteousness through the Father. There is absolutely nothing I can do to justify his love for me. He gives it to me freely and openly and with out a single string attached and the more I try to earn it the more frustrated I become. I have been extremely blessed with someone who truly loves me the way that God does, and it's hard for me to accept it at times. When I can learn to accept God's love for what it is- a perfect gift- then maybe I could really accomplish something with my life.
When God is talking to Job in chapter 39 he talks about different animals and how they live their lives:
13 “The wings of the ostrich wave proudly,
but are they the pinions and plumage of love?
14 For she leaves her eggs to the earth
and lets them be warmed on the ground,
15 forgetting that a foot may crush them
and that the wild beast may trample them.
16 She deals cruelly with her young, as if they were not hers;
though her labor be in vain, yet she has no fear,
17 because God has made her forget wisdom
and given her no share in understanding.
18 When she rouses herself to flee,
she laughs at the horse and his rider.
It was brought to my attention recently that maybe God talks about these animals to remind us that we have one common goal and that we shouldn't worry about anything else in life. To live with out fear is, ironically, very scary- but if I could accomplish it I could have a fulfilled and peaceful life. If something doesn't go the way we want or expect then it shouldn't matter because we should have the constant joy of knowing what our purpose is. It is better to live simply then to constantly worry about those things in which we can not change. Or even the things we can change, for that matter. I just don't want to look back on my life wishing I had spend less time worrying and more time living.
