Change

So much has changed.. and is changing. Why is change always so hard to accept? Is it because we're afraid of what it may bring about? That it might not be what we expect? That what comes will be worse than what was before? I think that's why we're so afraid of taking risks in life. We don't know what will happen, what to expect. People like things to be the same.

I've become somewhat of a recluse yet I'm going to be living in a 3 bedroom house with 5 girls (when I was ready to be living completely by myself), the last guy I dated is now married, I have a new puppy, my older brother is engaged, I have no money, I'm starting a new job soon, I'm attempting to build up broken relationships while others are falling apart, I'm unsure of who God wants me to be with or whether or not he wants me with anyone at all, I miss my family yet I know I'm needed here, I'm being stretched and challenged and some days I don't know if I can handle much more....

Change stinks.

But I keep trying to remind myself that this is just a tiny fraction of the tiny fraction that is my life on this earth. If my entire physical life is but a breath, than what is this small part of it? It will pass as quickly as it has come... and how do I want to remember it? That I was an emotional wreck because I didn't know what was going to happen? Or that I was at peace because I had faith? Peace is so hard for me... I lose it when there is a lot of unknown in my life.. and right now, there is a huge dark cloud of unknown looming above my head each and ever day, blocking my view of the sun that I know is there. I keep scrambling and reaching out trying to hold on to some sort of peace, but I think I just need to relax and let it wash over me. God is teaching me something. To calm down and let him handle it, maybe? I don't know... but not knowing is ok. I forget that sometimes. I try and control these things and I forget that God is in control. Completely. It's ok to fall because he's always waiting to catch us.

I just need to breath.. relax... and be patient, for things will change.. and eventually that change brings about peace.