Like a rock (and I'm not talking about the trucks!!)

God's pretty good at rocking my world. I've recently been realizing that a lot of my friendships here are almost entirely one way... and it's mainly my own fault. I still have problems opening up completely to people... at least about certain things. I'm perfectly ok with listening to someone's problems, being a shoulder to cry on, or just being available to vent to. When it comes to myself, however, there aren't too many people in my life I go to for all those things. It's easy for me to be open about my anger or my frustrations... that's pretty much how I get out all my emotions... but sadness and a hurt heart I tend to keep to myself. I usually handle these emotions in a very private way... hiding from the world until I feel I have dealt with it (notice all the "I"s in this sentence... not a very good start) After making this realization, I began to try and make changes with some friendships. Sharing my sadness and just trying to be more open. More vulnerable.
We spent the weekend at a youth rally in Oregon, and I decided from the start that I wasn't going to think too much... just act. Surprisingly... it worked pretty well (although as a kid I used to get in a lot of trouble for not thinking before I acted... glad it's finally paying off!!) I got pretty close to some kids and I didn't find myself constantly worried about what people were thinking of me. The rally is called Rally on the Rock, and this years theme was "A God that rocks". Eli-our coordinator and the preacher here (for those of you who don't know this already)- spoke about a God that rocks people, places and things. He used Acts to show how God shakes things up for us quite often. With Paul for example; blinding him for three days and leaving him with only his dark memories of the persecutions he led... and then becoming one of the most influential and powerful Christians this earth has ever seen. So needless to say, the weekend was absolutely incredible and uplifting.

Over this last week two of my absolute closest friendships were on the line. One, now fixed (and doing very well, I might add) and the other is not doing so well. Not even hours after we got back to Grass Valley... I found out a good friend of mine is ready to give up on our friendship because of gossip. She decided that it was too stressful to confront me about it so it was just easier to give up and "not deal with it". She won't speak to me.. when she comes by the house she barely looks at me... and she won't listen when I try to apologize or explain the truth to her. Now... in the past, I would have written her off, put up my walls, and not even given it a second thought. But now... that just days before I was asking God to make me a better friend... I realized that I have to behave differently than what my instincts and my defensive side are saying. This girl is someone that I've been trying to be a mentor too, which could only be done through being a friend, first. I spent a good amount of time with her nearly ever single day. I could easily retaliate with harsh words and anger... but what would that show her? I don't want to be just another person in her life that's given up on her when things aren't so great. I guess I've never realized before how much my actions really do affect other people. From the tiniest things I say to the great statements I make with my lifestyles and actions. I want to be someone who's not afraid to be vulnerable in relationships.

Now, I know that these small things aren't life changing or earth shattering... and they certainly aren't comparable to Paul's story. But it's personal... and God is rocking my world through it. I'm seeing now that when it comes to fight or flight... I'm usually more apt to take flight... but I want to change that in myself. I want to be that person who will fight for the things I believe are right and true. Whether that's my relationships or my faith in God.

In some ways, I've been feeling a little lonely. Like there are so many people around me.. and amazing people at that... but I'm just not sure how to turn those good friendships into deep bonds. However, this feeling has been pushing me closer to God, and making me realize that I am never alone. And even if I have zero friends in this world, than I can be content with that. Because really.. when it comes down to it... what is the point of worrying and stressing so much over these earthly things. I'm not trying to say that our relationships on this earth aren't important.. because I think they're one of the most important things we are given in this life... but in the end, when I look back... do I want to remember all the worries and the stresses and the fears? Or do I want to remember the faith that I had in God to take care of it all for me.

Maybe we should all let God rock our worlds a little more often.

Jesus was homeless

One of my favorite things here is when I get to spend time with the homeless. It has always been something I've desired to do, but I never realized how much it would open my eyes to different things.
I have grown to really care for these people that I have spent so much time with. It's not always easy, but I have realized that one thing that they all (well.. every human being) have in common is that they want to be acknowledged and treated with respect just like any other person. Some of them even put on a facade with people and don't show their true selfs until they see that they are actually cared for.

There's this older man named Chips who every time he sees us he cracks a joke or shows us a little trick with some coins. I wasn't even sure if he was "all there" or not, but I always really enjoyed seeing him. On Sunday night I was playing Sudoku and he came over to make fun of me (like usual). I ended up tearing out a page for him, and he sat down and started showing me little puzzles and tricks. After a while of that, he started talking about God and about how even though he's alone he's not lonely because God is always there with him. He went on to say that homeless people just want to be treated like people. They just want to be acknowledge on the streets... to be said hello to... to be seen as human beings just like everyone else. It was the first time Chips had opened up to us like that. He gave me some of the best advice you could give a person- and asked that if we were to pass on anything it would be this; to live each moment to the fullest and not to be anxious for the future or because of the past because you never know which second could be your last. I felt like God was speaking to me through this crazy 9-fingered old man. This man that most people don't give the time of day to just because he lives on the streets. It's heartbreaking to see that these children of God are treated less than human because of where they live. I'm guilty of it too.. of passing judgment on someone I see in the streets just because they are dirty and push a shopping cart around. I don't know their story until I know them, and I have spent time with some of the most beautiful people I have ever met, and have shared some beautiful moments with them. Like reading the Bible with Brandon, and hearing Stephen's stories, and playing the guitar with Paul.

They're pretty special people, and I have been so blessed to get to spend so much time with them. I hope that whoever is reading this gets a little better look into the soul of some of God's most beautiful children... and the next time you pass someone in the streets that you normally wouldn't even think twice about.. say hello, give them a smile, maybe even take some time out of your busy schedule to stop and see how they are doing.

And remember.... Jesus was homeless too.